so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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