this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize