Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
