Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
