I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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