her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
