I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize