its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
