If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
