hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
did you just send me my own nude
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