why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
