He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
