Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
