she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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