i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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