You can't special order awesome
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
