You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
