When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
