Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
