3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
