Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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