our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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