did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm both gender and math confused
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
