Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
