don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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