Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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