He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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