the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
