There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was born a porn star she said
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
