chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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