i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
