Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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