why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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