I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
