brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cannot find my penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
