now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I touched a dick in church today
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
