Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
