I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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