Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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