I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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