Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
