dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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