____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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