i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
