Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
