she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
