I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
