i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
