I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
