Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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