I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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