oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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