Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
