It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
