Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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