im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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