You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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