does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
