I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
