anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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