i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
