hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
