i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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