you have to choose: penises or morals?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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