My balls are so social today.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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