she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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