i permit you to call me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
