Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
