dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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