Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
