Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
